Electric Fireplaces - What?

Even though I read about home improvement and home dcor 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, sometimes I feel like I just crawled out from under a rock. I noticed recently that electric fireplaces have made their way into the realms of acceptable home heat sources and dcor. How did this happen, and why? More importantly, why does it rub me the wrong way?

My objection to electric fireplaces lies more in the way they're marketed than in what they are. Essentially, an electric fireplace is a supplemental heater with flame-like light effects. Big deal. Space heaters come in many different forms. Since I favor all things energy-efficient, my editorial space heater endorsement goes to oil-filled electric radiators, which heat oil which then radiates heat on its own without the radiator having to run full blast. Although oil-filled electric radiators are more efficient than say, infrared space heaters, I don't have a visceral negative reaction to infrared space heaters. So what's my problem with electric fireplaces?

Electric fireplaces seem to be marketed as the lazy man's alternative to a fireplace. The number one marketing ploy is that they're easy to clean and don't require chopping actual wood. The last time I checked, homeownership requires cleaning and actual work. How about this marketing gem from Thebestelectricfireplaces.com, which ranks 3rd on my Google search for "electric fireplaces":

If you install a traditional fireplace in your home, you'll have to deal with the following...You'll have to deal with sometimes unreliable and downright scary people trotting through your home. (You'll probably get your carpet dirty or your new hardwood floors scratched in the process).

I'm sorry, but since when are contractors scary and unreliable? Most of the roofers, brick masons and tile contractors (these are the people who install chimneys, fireplaces, and fireplace surrounds) I've met have been pretty nice guys. It's like they're invoking the days of seedy underage chimney sweeps in depressed London neighborhoods to appeal to the American fear of all things dirty and foreign.

Or, how about this marketing collateral from Continental Fires:

Using reliable LED-technology, the unique flame effect can be controlled from the comfort of your armchair with the standard remote control.

Since when is anyone entitled to control a fireplace flame from an armchair? Why is going out to the wood pile, splitting kindling, and building an actual fire in a real wood stove suddenly an activity to be shunned?

The bottom line here is that imposter home products do not produce the same effect as real ones. The heat of a real fireplace cannot possibly be matched by an electric fireplace, nor its light. You lose the smell of wood burning, and most importantly you lose the sense of accomplishment that building a good fire brings.

Here in Casper, WY, people would literally laugh at someone who kindles his fire with a remote control. My own mother went into labor with me while she was out chopping firewood with my father. Some of my best nights have been spent in wood-fired cabins. In fact, I've spent quite a few New Year's Eves in wood-fired mountain retreats, where I actually had to do the work of going outside to fetch more wood to keep the fire burning all night. How can anyone pass up such experiences?

Photo credit: Home Depot

Posted by: Chaya Goodman